I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Randomize
