Small penises have feelings too.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
