You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
