And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
