We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
