I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Buhtt sex?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
