we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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