everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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