As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
