I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
