After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
