it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
