I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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