Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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