It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think I sprained my soul last night
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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