He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
