Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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