I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
