My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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