hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just sucked dick on a ferry
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
