Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
