I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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