Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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