i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
