Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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