she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We need to get me chipped asap
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
