Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
