Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
