So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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