Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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