Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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