I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
