Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
