"it" just moved
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
