dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
