I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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