i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
