I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
