y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm having to shit out rocks
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