There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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