South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
How does it feel to date your dad?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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