Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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