Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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