I haven't been this sober since birth.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
