My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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