Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
