i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
