I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
