Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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