he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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