he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
