You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
