I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
