yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just cropdusted the office
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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