This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
