Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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