If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
