I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
