In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize