Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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