I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
