I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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