I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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