Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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