This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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