my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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