Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
