census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
