so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
