it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
