i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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