Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Michael Bay diarrhea
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
