dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
