I wish I could teleport
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
