I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize