i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
