And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
