could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize