my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize