3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
