sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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