I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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