Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
